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Outdoor Survival - Water
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The Jokes Page

If you haven't heard any of these jokes before, please contact me and tell me why!

 

smile Two guys go camping and pack a cooler with sandwiches and beer. After three days of walking, they arrive at a great spot but realise they’ve forgotten a bottle opener. The first guy turns to the second and says,
"You’ve gotta go back and get the opener or else we have no beer."
"No way", says the second. "By the time I get back, you will have eaten all the food."
"I promise I won’t," says the first guy. "Just hurry!"


Nine full days pass and there’s still no sign of the second guy. Exasperated and starving, the first guy digs into the sandwiches. Suddenly, the second guy pops out from behind a rock and yells,
"I knew it! I’m not going!"

 

smile If you're on a hike and find a fork in the road, what do you do?
Stop for lunch.

 

smile A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead where marooned on an island and the blonde stumbled across a lamp with three wishes. The blonde called the others over and said,
"Look I found a lamp!"
The redhead snatched it out of her hand and said, "I wish I was at home in my warm bed." She disappeared to her bed with her husband.
The brunette then said, "I wish I was at home too!" So she disappeared.
The blonde was then scared of being left alone so she said, "I wish the other two were back here!"

 

smile Two male hikers were undressing in the shelter. One noticed the other was wearing women's tights.
“Why are you wearing those?!”
“Because they keep my legs warm.”
“Wow, I never would have thought of that. How long have you been using them?”
“Since my wife found them in my backpack.”

 

smile How do you start a fire using two pieces of wood?
Make sure one is a matchstick.

 

smile Three men were hiking through a forest when they came upon a large, raging violent river. Needing to get on the other side, the first man prayed,
"God, please give me the strength to cross the river." Poof! God gave him big arms and strong legs and he was able to swim across in about two hours, having almost drowned twice.

After witnessing that, the second man prayed,
"God, please give me strength and the tools to cross the river." Poof! God gave him a rowing boat, strong arms, and strong legs, and he was able to row across in about an hour after almost capsizing once.

Seeing what happened to the first two men, the third man prayed,
"God, please give me the strength, the tools and the intelligence to cross this river." Poof! He was turned into a woman. She checked the map, hiked one hundred yards up stream, and walked across the bridge...

 

smile One day a blonde is hiking in the woods. She follows the trail until she comes upon a river. As she is thinking how she can get across the river; another blonde appears on the opposite side. The blonde yells to the other blonde,
"How do I get to the other side?"
The other blonde looks up and then down the river and yells back:
"You are on the other side!"

 

smile The guitar of the noisy teenager at the next campsite makes excellent kindling.

 

smile Another Two guys are out hiking. The first guy says, "Did you see that?"
"No," the second guy says.
"Well, a bald eagle just flew overhead," the first guy says.
"Oh," says the second guy.
A couple of minutes later, the first guy says, "Did you see that?"
"See what?" the second guy asks.
"Are you blind? There was a big, black bear walking on that hill, over there."
"Oh."
A few minutes later the first guy says: "Did you see that?"
By now, the second guy is getting aggravated, so he says, "Yes, I did!"
And the first guy says: "Then why did you step in it?"

 

smile In an emergency, a drawstring from a parka hood can be used to strangle a snoring tent mate.

 

Got a good hiking related joke? Send it up and I'll put it on this page.


 
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